Thanks, future world traveler! Your name and email address have been added to our special international database of people who will fall for anything!
Just call Charlotte Ann Swindler at the Grumpco Dream Vacation Bureau (1-800-O-U-BEACH), and choose from any of the following exotic island destinations:
◊ Alcatraz Island
◊ Atlantis Island
◊ Bermuda Triangle Island
◊ Bikini Atoll
◊ Cannibal Island
◊ Devil’s Island
◊ Ebola Island
◊ Ellesmere Island
◊ Falkland Islands
◊ Feral Mosquito Island
◊ Franz Josef Land
◊ Godzilla Island
◊ Haiti
◊ Iceberg Island
◊ Island of Dr. Moreau
◊ Jurassic Park
◊ Krakatoa
◊ Land Shark Island
◊ Monster Island
◊ Novaya Zemlya
◊ Parasite Island
◊ South Shetland Islands
◊ Svalbard Islands
◊ Three Mile Island
We will provide you and your family, entirely free of charge, with a one-way ocean voyage to the island of your choice, aboard our romantically rustic galley, the Amistad Shanghai Surprise. You and your other “guests” can relax idly for weeks in our hold, safely shackled for your protection, or get some vigorous exercise in our “engine room” on our “rowing machines,” until you are released on the island. Your “island guide” will then assign you your “daily activities,” where you can participate in the island’s handicrafts and other industries for fourteen hours a day under the stern yet passionate supervision of the local natives. You can sleep “under the stars” every night, and then wake up refreshed in the morning, ready to feverishly forage for some of the exotic local food before your island guide announces the new day’s schedule.
After a few days of island life, the stresses of your previous life will seem like just a pleasant memory. We’re proud to say that to keep you insulated from your old life, our special island getaways feature facilities with no way whatsoever to send or receive messages from the outside world. And after you have completed your minimum stayover (currently two years, but subject to change without notice), just ask your island guide about our special “I’m dying of homesickness and will sign anything” package, and after your check has cleared, in the fullness of time, you’ll be on the next boat home, perhaps with a “surprise stopover” at another one of our Grumpco Dream Vacation Bureau island settlements.
Congratulations, Crusoe! How's it feel to be a man without a country?
