Harduff Stone and Associates
Lieyers and Conseallers
Michigan Office
Murder City Plaza
Suite 666
Destroid, Michigan 48226
(313) 555-8640
December 25, 2007
Rich Kaschkowe
355 Welthiputz Lane
Caucasian Hills, MI 48304
Dear Mr. Kaschkowe:
Enclosed is my invoice for services rendered on that legal question you referred to me several years ago (not that I actually remember what you asked me). I would have gotten to this earlier, but I was tied up on a lengthy around-the-world cruise attending to my outside business and recreational interests in various exotic locales, so I just couldn’t spare the time.
You will note that I have granted you a discounted hourly rate in light of our lengthy personal and professional relationship. Payment is expected by the end of this month, when my yacht payment is due. Or else.
Oh, and lest I forget, the answer to your legal question is, “Perhaps, depending on the circumstances, and barring unforeseen developments.”
With fervent and heartfelt wishes to me and my corporate affiliates for a highly prosperous new year, I regretfully remain
Your Lawyer and Creditor,
Harduff Stone, Esquire
Harduff Stone and Associates
Lieyers and Conseallers
Michigan Office
Murder City Plaza
Suite 666
Destroid, Michigan 48226
Invoice submitted to:
Rich Kashkowe
355 Welthiputz Lane
Caucasian Hills, MI 48304
December 24, 2007
In Reference To: High-priced legal advice regarding embarrassing personal matters which I will be forced to reveal, at a press conference, suitably embellished, in the event that you refuse to pay my bill
Invoice # 1213579404 (fine print version)
Professional Services
Hrs/Rate Amount
10/28/2007 Dreaming about answer to client’s legal inquiry 8.00 7,920.00
990.00/hr[1]
10/28/2007 Research re: answer to client’s inquiry (calling friend for free advice) 0.50 495.00
990.00/hr
10/28/2007 Reading the Sunday New York Times and doing the crossword puzzle 4.00 3,960.00
and literary acrostic while considering response to client’s inquiry 990.00/hr
10/28/2007 “Dinner meeting” at hotel with attractive female law clerk to 2.50 2,475.00
discuss response to client’s inquiry 990.00/hr
10/28/2007 Watching pro football games while finalizing response to client’s inquiry 9.00 8,910.00
990.00/hr
10/28/2007 Preparation of invoice and letter to client re: same 1.00 990.00
990.00/hr
For professional services rendered 25.00 $24,750.00
Rich Kaschkowe Page 2
Additional Charges:
Amount
10/28/2007 Dinner with attractive female law clerk (room service) 378.59
10/28/2007 Photocopies of invoice and enclosure letter 5.00
10/28/2007 Postage for mailing of invoice and enclosure letter 0.41
10/28/2007 Document generation (word processing) fee for invoice and enclosure letter 50.00
10/28/2007 Telephone toll charge for making restaurant reservation for “dinner meeting” 0.24
10/28/2007 Round-trip travel to hotel for “dinner meeting” 20.15
10/28/2007 Tip to valet parking attendant at hotel in connection with “dinner meeting” 10.00
10/28/2007 Messenger service for delivery of invoice and enclosure letter to post office 25.00
10/28/2007 Charge for hypothetical use of outside computerized research service 122.75
10/28/2007 Pro rata premium satellite TV service charge (for football games) 15.00
Total additional charges $519.15
Total amount of this bill $25,269.15
Pay immediately, pigeon . . .
[1] Please note that as a token of his long friendship with you, Mr. Stone has granted you a discount from his standard rate of $1,000.00 per hour. That is, if you pay right away. If not, the rate is $10,000.00 per hour. Plus some extra “expenses.”
